Pointless, outmoded customs?

I wrote about this topic last year and it produced some good discussion in the comments section. I'm revisiting it because I was stimulated to consider the topic whilst reading a Miss Manners column in the Sunday Courier Journal (yes, I read the entire paper cover-to-cover except for ads and horoscopes).

A lady had written to her, asking whether there really was a custom that dictated that, when a man and woman are approaching stairs together, the man allows the woman to go up first, and then he himself goes first when heading back down. She said her boyfriend did this and told her it was the gentlemanly thing to do. She thought it was weird so she asked good ol' Miss Manners.

MM assured the ignorant young lady that it IS the proper thing to do, because if the lady is always higher on the steps, the gentleman can catch her should she fall (or, at least, cushion the blow by landing underneath her when they both go careening down like a pair of maniacal Slinky's).

YES! Good for MM. This should be obvious. And furthermore, I would say that this is not just some secular code of chivalry but is rather the Christian thing to do, in light of Biblical teaching on manhood and womanhood. Same thing with letting the man open doors for the woman.

Even Godly young Christian women who talk about Biblical manhood and womanhood, distinct gender roles, headship, etc. sometimes fall for the secular thinking that they don't "need a man to do stuff like that for me." It misses the point, for one thing. For another, you should think about what signal you're really sending and what object-lesson you may be teaching (because let's face it: God uses men and women to mold each other every day -- it's a reflection of our complimentary natures).

YOU CAN'T WONDER ALOUD THAT YOUNG GUYS AREN'T BEING EFFECTIVE LEADERS, EITHER AS POTENTIAL HUSBANDS OR BROTHERS-IN-CHRIST, IF YOUR NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION IMPLIES THAT YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO HAVE DISTINCT ROLES.

When Paul speaks about headship, one of the main connotations that would have been understood by the original Greek-speaking audience was "first into battle." A modern way to look at it would be for a man to see a woman safely to her car. Another example, in husband-wife cases, would be where the couple is asleep at night and they hear a bump or something that sounds like someone may be trying to get into the house. The man, of course, checks it out.

Now, you might say, "I'll let my husband (or future husband) get doors for me, but no other guy." As his sister in Christ, you are doing him and his future wife a disservice by not preparing him to take that role. Consider the reverse situation: if you're dating a guy that holds doors open for you, but won't do so for any other woman, you can bet that he won't always do it for you, either. Once the ring is on your finger and the honeymoon period ends, he'll go back to the pattern that has already been established in his life, and you'll be getting your own doors.

What's the big deal about that? Again, think about what signal you are sending. See issues like stair-navigation, opening of doors, carrying of shopping bags, etc. as symbols that stand for larger attitudes. A male is demonstrating, and learning, leadership and protectiveness through these symbolic acts. And while you may say, "My future husband is the only man I'll ever follow," consider that protectiveness is something that every Christian man should feel for every sister-in-Christ.

For that matter, females should also display protectiveness towards their brothers, albeit in different forms (such as taking care to be used by God to shape his character, in part, by expecting that he do simple symbolic acts like hold the door open for you). It's not about your personal preference. It's not about your independence. It's not about you being strong enough to carry your own bags, tough enough to survive a fall down some stairs, and quick enough to get your own doors. In short, it's not about YOU -- it's about him. Just as HE shows that, from his perspective, it's all about YOU when he performs those symbolic acts.