Character

Eph. 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

This verse and those that proceed it are clear, yet I do think we can run afoul of this command by undermining it long before we have found the "right" one and tied the knot, even when we would never do so intentionally. We do this when we think that our behaviour will magically change when we find Mr. or Mrs. Right.

I contend that we must keep to the basic principle of this verse in ALL our dealings with the opposite sex. Now obviously every Godly person knows to treat their significant other as their crowning jewel, not as someone who is equal to all others, or any others. But let me illustrate it like this:

Girls, if you've met a guy that treats you like a queen, holds the door for you, listens and smiles when you're telling a story, encourages and compliments you, and in general seems to be very protective of you and kind to you, yet he never acts this way toward his female friends, his mom, his sister, and other ladies, then what do you think the chances are that he'll continue to act this way with you once the "honeymoon" period is over?

Slim to none. It's not an ingrained part of his character. It's easy to "rise above" yourself when you're in the midst of infatuation, but when that wears off, your true character will shine through. Yet from time to time I've heard people say, "Well, I may be a little hard to get along with, but I won't be that way with my future wife. I'm different when I'm in a relationship with someone."

Uh huh.

It works both ways, too. A disrespectful or argumentative woman, despite her assurances to the contrary, will not act differently towards her beloved. In fact, she will probably give him a HARDER way to go, over time, because when you live with someone, share a checkbook with someone, coordinate chores with someone, put up with someone's sleep-depriving, hacking, coughing colds and clean up someone's vomit when they're sick to their stomach, it tends to create an environment that is extremely raw and real, as opposed to the often "fake" world of dating (and yes, I mean "courting" too, Harris fans).

Men should therefore cultivate, through prayer and discipline, an attitude that regards every woman as special, as someone to be cherished and protected. Women should treat men that she is in the company of with Godly respect (I realize many of these things could be posts in their own right -- obviously many people, especially guys, act as if "respect" is a far more encompassing trait than it is, really amounting to "Be my slave," but I'm writing to people who know better).

Think of it like this: if you know that you're going to compete in a physically-demanding sporting event sometime down the road, you had better start a fitness regimen immediately. If you were to say, "I'm just going to eat my Ho Ho's and watch reruns of Saved By The Bell until the game is almost here," then what chances do you really think you'd have of excelling on game day?

Be ready all the time. Many people have no trouble with this concept, when it applies to things like staying in physical shape, or dressing sharp when you're going out in public, or being able to float around a crowded room and turn on the charm, but they can't seem to understand that character requires training, too.

And the flip side to this advice is to look for a mate whom you know to be the kind of person who will carry out the command of Ephesians 5:33 because you've witnessed it for yourself, not only in his/ her dealings with you but in their dealings with the opposite sex in general.

And that's all I have to say about that. Now, go forth and prosper. And as always, stay jive to that monkey on your back.