gathering 'round, young women, and i will tell ....

I had a "catching up" conversation with a young, single girl I used to work with today. Seeing as she knows I am wise, wise, wise -- a veritable cesspool of information, if you will, she asked me for some relationship advice.
Specifically, she wanted to know how to let a certain young suitor know that she isn't interested.
So I told her. I gave her a sure-fire way to do it. Here comes the amazing part: she said, "But that's what I do when I like a guy!"
I said, "I think I may know why you're still single, then."

Here is my advice. If you gals will do this when you want to discourage someone from courting you, and refrain from doing this to guys whom you are interested in, then you will be a step ahead of many women in this country -- because frankly, my incredulous friend was not the first woman I've known to make this mistake.

B-Dog's Rule Is: to subtly let a guy know that you're not interested in him as a boyfriend, tell him that he should ask a certain girl out. Or tell him that you think he'd be right for a certain girl, or you wonder why he doesn't give a certain girl a shot. This will clue him in on the fact that you don't want him for yourself, that you want more of a brother/ sister kind of thing.

Now, if you're like my dizzy-headed young friend, you're probably thinking, "But I've done that with guys that I'm interested in, because it's part of the game." My silly pal said that she tries to read a guy's face when she makes such a comment, to see if he's interested in her. I said, "That's like going into a Paris restaurant and telling your dinner companion 'I'm going to order in Japanese to see if the waiter will give me what I want.'"

Will he? No, our hapless waiter will say "Come again?" Only he'll say it in French of course, rather than English. Certainly not Japanese. Stupid, stupid, stupid, you single girls. Remember, men think with their heads more than their hearts. Now, we may have dumb heads, but we still think with them. And if you try silly little tactics that don't make rational sense, you will overload our brains and we will crash. Our only thought will be, "She's not interested."

Now, perhaps you have tried this tactic on a guy, and he STILL asked you out. There's a reason for this. He's a weirdo. And sorry, but I can't give you any advice on dissuading weirdos. You just have to be blunt and resolute.

If perhaps you are like my silly friend, and you have tried this tactic on a guy you WANTED to go out with, and it worked, congratulations. You tried a nonsensical battle tactic, and you got yourself a weirdo. You should be very proud. But remember, a man who likes to play dating "games" will always like games ... and once you're married, this behavious will, at best, be a constant irritation to you. At worst ... well, make sure you have a good support system, ladies.

So, to recap: if you want to dissuade a guy from asking you out, suggest he go out with a mutual acquantance. That will do the trick, unless he's a weirdo.

If you would like to go out with a guy, under no circumstance should you "talk up" any other ladies. We're dumber than you. You'll confuse us, and we'll have to wander off into the woods and kill a deer or make some cave drawings or something. If by any chance you would like to go out with a guy, and you try this tactic, and it works, then pat yourself on the back for having used your feminine wiles to trap a nitwit. Hope that you too are a nitwit, so you'll never figure out what you stuck yourself with.

Toodle-ee-oo for now, ladies. Always remember, for the bottom-line advice that you won't get anywhere else, B-Dog is your hook up.