A Tale Of Two Poems

I just wrote a sonnet based off of Shakespeare's famous "My Mistress' Eyes Are Nothing Like The Sun." Mine makes a statement about our postmodern society, as opposed to the Bard's world. First, I will share Shakespeare's original with you. Then, mine. I think you will agree that it captures the spirit of the times. Enjoy.

Shakespeare
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks,
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare

B-Dog
My mistress’ eyes are not much like the sun
(Let’s not confuse the bloodshot lines for light)
They were, before the damage had been done
(the damage caused by drinking shots all night).
Her lips could use some collagen, I guess,
And Botox could do wonders for her face.
Some silicone would sure perk up her breasts,
And Clairol would disguise the telling grays.
Every time she sings, I curse or growl
Because her voice is always sharp or flat.
We can’t eat spicy foods because her bowels
Would cause the air to stink right where she sat.
And yet, by God, my love for her is strong --
And will be, till a hottie comes along.