Grace

From "Blue Like Jazz," by Donald Miller:

For a very long time, I could not understand why some people have no trouble accepting the grace of God while others experience immense difficulty. I counted myself as one of the ones who had trouble. I would hear about grace, read about grace, and even sing about grace, but accepting grace is an action I could not understand. It seemed wrong to me to not have to pay for my sin, not feel guilty about it or kick myself around. More than that, grace did not seem like the thing I was looking for. It was too easy. I wanted to feel as though I earned my forgiveness, as though God and I were buddies doing favors for each other.

I identify. I can even be like that in my human relationships. A few months ago, Pinhead Stacey challenged me about it. My theory of how to keep a friendship strong is to always deposit and never withdraw. I just keep giving and giving, doing favors, making things as convenient as I can, never asking for a favor or accepting help. This way, I think "aren't I a valuable friend? I'm never a bother, I'm only a help."

But true community doesn't work that way. I believe God built grace into the framework of our own relationships to give us the smallest taste of what "amazing grace" is like. Of course, this ultimate grace can only come from God, because our human friendships, this side of heaven, are never truly unconditional. The best friendships might come close to approaching unconditional love, but Christ called us "friend" when we scorned Him. He died for us though we were loathsome. He works with us and leads us when we continually fall short of even the most basic commands.

When I think about this, "grace" seems so hard to understand. Why would I, being so vile, be accepted by God? Why would Christ die for me? How can love be that strong? I don't know the answer to that any more than I know the answer to "how could God have always existed. It's stunning to consider, isn't it?