Oh Tangled Web of Relationships (Or, Why Can't Martians and Venusians Speak The Same Language)

There are a couple good blogs out there that have been putting out some interesting columns on the differences between the genders, as well as dating advice and related topics. Check them out at:
http://12strings.blogspot.com (Jonathan Hodges)
and
http://christinehnat.blogspot.com (Christine Hnat)

I don't believe either of these two to be connected with Harvey Brown.

Christine discusses "dating in your mind," among other related topics, mostly from the female perspective. She says some good things. I would add, ladies, that if you are in a platonic relationship with a man (hereafter refered to as a friendship, although all romantic relationships should be grounded in brother-sister in Christ friendship as well) and you don't want to be -- if you want more from him, and he has expressed no interest in wanting more, then you should get out. You shouldn't have to carry that load. You shouldn't let yourself be strung along, which is what he is doing, rather he knows it or not. You should sever the unhealthy relationship and be open and honest with him about why you are doing so.

I do think it's interesting though, that whenever I read this kind of thing on a blog, whether Christine's or not, it is usually from the woman's perspective. I would submit to you that there is at least as much confusion, if not more, coming from Mars as there is from Venus.

In fact, in a recent match.com pole, people were asked two very telling questions (at least the responses were telling):

1. Who is more likely to misinterpret the intimacy of friendship for desire?
64% of respondents said "Men." Only 25% said "Women." 11% were undecided.

2. Who is better at keeping sex out of a platonic relationship?
Only 13% said "Men." 67% said "Women", leaving 20% undecided.

So there is certainly a lot of confusion among men when it comes to "hanging out." Many women like to have male buddies to do things with, as well as to "get the male point of view" on things. And many men are confused by this -- in short, they perhaps WOULD pursue, have pursued, or are pursuing, only to hear those words that we've all dreaded at some point or another: "I think we should just be friends." I say this not to disagree with Christine or any other woman who is rightly concerned about all the "hang-out," passive males, but to point out that it cuts both ways.

It's difficult, this modern age. Male-female friendships definitely make it harder to tell who wants who, and in what way they want them. It's not a good thing. And I say this as someone who has, and has had, wonderful friendships with women. I would have to say, though, that every significant friendship I've had has developed because one or both of us had given our hearts to someone else, and therefore there was no doubt from the start as to what direction our relationship would take -- it would be a platonic friendship. And then, of course, when one or the other of us had, at some point, become disengaged from the romantic relationship we were in, the platonic friendship had already developed to a significant point -- in other words, we already felt that platonic affection, and we already knew that our friendship was worth preserving, rather than ending because "it's not leading anywhere." In this fashion, I've even gained good friends when my female friends married.

It would be much harder, maybe fruitless, to begin a friendship with a woman when we were both completely free, unless we felt that the friendship could lead in a romantic direction. And of course, in that case, the man should certainly be upfront and intentional in his pursuit.

Jonathan's blog explores such topics as "why do women communicate more," "are men more visual?" and the big subject of Biblical manhood and womanhood. I love the story of how he and his girlfriend got together, and how he met her parents and sought her father's approval. You'll read some interesting comments from people who think this is an old-fashioned pattern of "patriarchal oppression," as well as comments from us patriarchal oppressors who think the young couple is off to a great start.

And I think even Harvey Brown would agree with that.