Sojourn Worship Songwriting Workshop, pt. 9

We had six writers at the songwriting workshop this past Saturday. That's our overall average so far, although we've had a total of 13 come to at least one. We had nine in December -- I knew we'd lose some this time because of the Sojourn partners' meeting that was held from 9 to 11:30 that morning, so I was happy we had six.

Jay had presented a first draft of a song called "From These Hands" in December. He'd received some good advice then from Eddy and Chandi regarding the music -- streamlining it, cutting down on the interludes between lines, stuff like that. He'd also written some lines that didn't quite fit the meter -- too many words crammed in too little space. He worked on all that stuff and presented the song again yesterday. It's really good. He still needs to decide some stuff about the bridge. Jeremy suggested that, although there are some good lines in the bridge, it might not be necessary to have lyrics there at all -- it might be better just to have music there. Jay's going to play around with it some more.

He also played us a rewrite of the song he'd done back in the September workshop. He's tightened it up a lot and made it a very catchy pop worship song, although he still has some parts to finish.

Lorie played the two songs she's written solo recently (she's co-written a couple handfuls with me). On "All Things New" we had Jeremy strum guitar rather than have Lorie play keyboard. He played around with some of the chords and made it sound more "finished." We also felt that the second verse should have at least one end-rhyme (right now it's A-B-C-D). I pointed out that doing so would make it conform to the pattern of the first verse (A-B-C-B). Jeremy suggested a way to change the second line of the second verse so that it rhymed with the fourth line, so she may plug that in there and see how it sits with her.

We were divided as to the effectiveness of the lyrics in the bridge -- whether they were too "inside/ church-ish" in comparison with the more "street-level" lyrics of the rest of the song. This is always a difficult choice. You don't want to needlessly confuse people or become so obtuse that only theologians can grasp your points, but on the other hand, we shouldn't just give up in the face of the overwhelming Biblical illiteracy that plagues this country. Paul said to "teach and admonish" each other with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. I'm not sure what she's going to decide in this particular instance, but I know she isn't one for dumbing-down standards.


I played a hymn I'd written -- old-school hymn/ folk ballad style -- four verses, no chorus, all in iambic tetrameter (like He Leadeth Me or In Christ Alone). You'll find the rough draft of these lyrics in my January 6th blog column, "Hope." They suggested a few line edits that I am now working on.

There was one word that, admittedly, didn't make much sense but I'd left it in there because it fit the meter. I was being lazy, hoping no one would notice. Predictably, my she-devil sister Lorie noticed and brought it to everyone's attention -- it's the word "created" in the line "from heaven to created ground." Of course, everything, including heaven, is created, so it's a needless word in this context. I was stuck on what to plug into it's place though. I think I've decided to change from an iambic to a trochaic line, though, so it reads "from the heavens to the ground." This only gives me seven syllables (one short of iambic tetrameter) but the change from iamb to trochee will mean the missing syllable won't be missed.

What I mean is, iambs are two-syllable units with an emphasis on the second syllable. Trochees are two-syllable units with an emphasis on the first. So, comparing the two lines, with the stresses as you would naturally sing them:

From HEAven TO creAted GROUND
FROM the HEAvens TO the GROUND

You see what I mean? When singing, you'll put stronger emphasis on the syllables that I've capitalized.

Jeremy also took a copy home because he has some ideas for chords -- the melody would essentially be the same but the chords would be more interesting. So I'll see what he comes up with.

Eddy and Chad couldn't make it but they told me Saturday morning that they've been working on some lyrics I gave to Eddy a couple weeks ago. They've laid some tracks down on it as a demo in Eddy's studio. It was another hymn-metered lyric I'd written, three verses but with an unmetered chorus. They've come up with a melody and played around with the structure. These guys are much better musicians than I am, so I'm very interested in what they've come up with. Hopefully I'll get to hear it soon.

Christa sang an acapella number -- a revision of some lyrics that she'd began some time ago. It has a beautiful melody. She said the original version was "too Disney" but she's obviously worked past that. This song would work well as a call to worship, a prayer-song or meditation piece. Stylistically, it has elements of the Lutheran Chorale-type hymn, which is in itself a derivation, and elaboration of plainsong (otherwise known as Gregorian chant) and other styles from the Middle Ages. Her song works, dramatically, as a solo acapella piece, but it would also be interesting to hear it done as a trio, quartet, or choir piece, with or without a band.

The next workshop is February 18, so between now and then I've got more writing to do. For this, I'll need coffee. Which I'm going to get right now, so goodbye.