New Hymn Text Based On Writing Assignment
So this month in the Sojourn Worship Songwriting Workshop we gave each other an optional assignment -- to each write a song in the next month about offering our bodies as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1). Last night I did mine, though it is just a hymn text and in fact may remain so. I think it's a good poem, and I have no ideas for melody, so I'll probably just leave it as poetry. But anyway, it's in long meter (each line is iambic tetrameter: four stresses/eight syllables) such as hymns like, "On Christ The Solid Rock I Stand," "And Can It Be," "Sweet Hour Of Prayer," "A Debtor To Mercy Alone," "Just As I Am," and "I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day." I immersed myself in Romans 11:33-12:3 to come up with what I hope is a comprehensive view of the reasons for, and implications of, offering ourselves as living sacrifices. As always, this is a completely rough, first draft, so any critiques would be appreciated:
The mercy you have granted me
Is greater than could be repaid.
You're bigger far than space or time
So who am I that You should save?
In thanks, a living sacrifice --
My heart could burst with gratitude.
I pledge my body, all my life;
It is the most that I could do.
It is the most that I could do.
No longer is my body mine.
Grant me the strength to stray from sin
And stay close to your bleeding side.
Conformed no more to this dark world,
To things that fade and pass away,
Transformed, renewed in my own mind,
Alive to serve you day by day.
Alive to serve you day by day,
An act of worship to my Lord.
Though Satan tempts me even now
To feel I'm earning my reward.
God grant that I should never boast
That I have given you my life,
I live by mercy, breathe in grace.
It is a humble sacrifice.
It is a humble sacrifice.
If only I could offer more!
But I'm the creature; You're my God --
You don't need what I can't afford.
And neither do you need my praise;
There's fellowship in You, complete.
But you accept my sacrifice
Through Your own mercy, rich and sweet.
posted by Bobby @ 5:13 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
I think you captured the depth and meaning of the passage very well.
This one phrase "You're bigger far than..." just doesn't seem to quite jive with the monkey in my head, but it's probably just me!
You did great! I love how you can stick with the set meter and correct stresses and everything.
Maybe "You're in and out of space and time"? I'm trying to communicate that God is so much more than we could ever imagine, yet he shows mercy to specks like us.
"...jive with the monkey in my head." LOL. Good one.
I'm almost ready to send that CD to you, by the way.
I understood what you were trying to say... the wording just threw me off a bit. I guess you can't say "far bigger" or "bigger by far" because of the stressed syllables, huh?
I'm sure you'll make something work.
Yes!! I can't wait for that CD! =)
I had the same thoughts as Kristi..I didn't think about any monkeys though...unless it was the site monkey ; )
I agree with the comments about that line in the first verse. It's distracting. When people are singing a text, it needs to be clear. I'll give you another option in a moment...
The last two verses are fabulous.
The mercy you have granted me
Is greater than could be repaid.
You're bigger far than space or time
So who am I that You should save?
You could make a change as simple as "You're bigger than our space and time" or "...than all space and time".
Yeah! I like the possible implications of "than our space ..." but I think it would be more easily sung as "than all space ..."
Thanks, Lorie!
Kristi, Bethany, and Lorie: I have hoisted up the yellow flag.
Seriously, that's the kind of thing that is hard for me to catch at first, so I appreciate the input.
Any other comments? Any other commentors?
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