Jive Monkey Gold: Salvation!

This is a very special edition of Jive Monkey Gold. We here at Jive To The Monkey have been in intensive negotiations, and can now announce to you that we have successfully managed to win second-publishing rights to the story of Earl P Rabbit's salvation story from last year. This story first appeared on Earl's (otherwise known as Rabby's) blog (earlprabbit.blogspot.com) last September. Many of you will remember the dark creature that Rabby was before giving his life to the Lord, and how he would often show up in various blogs, ranting, challenging people to engage in fisticuffs, and otherwise causing a ruckus. This, then, is a powerful story of the Lord's grace. Enjoy:

"Guess what? I gone an got saved" by Earl P. Rabbit, otherwise known as Rabby

Well an I got saved last night at the ol' camp meetin' of the First United Holy Ghost-Filled Sactified Baptist Church All Day-Singin' and Dinner on the Ground. An I guess I'll tell ya about it.
Well I always liked me some good ol' gospel music. Not like this here stuff where's all it amounts to is some watered-down, Jesus-is-my-boyfriend, American Idol Karaoke night an electric pianer music an you don't even know if anyone who came on by would know'd it was a song about the Lord or not, but I mean some real ol' gospel sangin'. An so I was a talkin' about it on ol' Nikki Tatom's blog, an it got me to thinkin' about how it'd been forever since I been to a meetin', on account a the last time I went somebody stepped on my blue suede shoes an I had to show em my paws, up close and on the kisser, an the deacons all threw me out. But that was the ol' Rabby, not the new one.
An I'm all new cuz at this service last night, after we sung some a them good ol songs like Vict'ry In Jesus, Walkin' In Jerusalem Just Like John, an There Is A Fountain, that ol' preacher man got up there an started declarin' the Word a the Lord, an it was a powerful message. An he told me that Jesus Christ died for my sins an I better git right with him an except his sacrifice cuz the day's a comin' when time shall be no more an it will be too late, an me an my kind that has trampled on His holy name will be trod underfoot an sent into that lake a fire. An right then, that preacher was close to gettin' a booty whoopin' cuz I thought, "Preacher, I ain't a trampled on no holy name, I'm just a good ol' boy. An I pay my taxes an I beat up commies whenever I sees 'em an all, an if someone takes the Lord's name in vain I read 'em their rights an even if I have to, I spit tobaccer juice right on their shoes an I say, "If'n you say the Lord's name in vain again, there's more than tobaccer juice gonna befall ya."
But then that preacher kept a goin' an the Holy Spirit fell on me an showed me the fruits a my doin's. All the violence an the bitterness an all that beer an whiskey, just a makin' me do foolish things an cause trouble. An all the womens. Oh my, all those womens. An I seen that it was jest cuz I'm a tryin' to fill the emptiness inside a me but it ain't a workin'. An then that preacher read about some people that was a pricked in their hearts an they said "What must we do to be saved," an right then I jumped up an hollered "Yeah, Preacher, what must I, a vile sinner, do to be saved." An I jumped so high and hollered so loud, the lady right next to me fainted away, but that preacher, he pointed at me and he shouted "Repent in that name above all name, be baptized in the water and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit!"
An I said, "That does it for me, preacher, take me to that watery grave!"
An ever one was a shoutin' and a sayin' "Another prodigal has returned to the fold!" An then they started singin' that good ol song "Warshed In The Blood," an it was like I was a hearin' those words fer the first time, an I shouted an ran all the way to that river bank and sloshed right through that water. I didn't even care that my fur was a gettin' all wet, I said "Dunk me Jesus!"
An that preacher, he come in after me an he said, "Boy, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit," an then he laid me under an I CAME UP A SHOUTIN' AN A SINGIN' HIS PRAISES, an a good ol' fashion Holy Ghost revival broke out on that there river bank an we had twenty-seven souls added to the army of the Lord. An we was a carryin' on all night long. An it was like the sky split open an the Lord descended on my wee head an said "Child, your roamin' days are over, enter into my fold." And let me tell ya what, the tears a joy was a flowin' from these eyes a mine, an I don't care if the world knows it. Cuz I been bought by the blood a Jesus an I'm a gonna tell it ever where I go.
An I ain't a gonna be layin' the smackdown on folks no more, not even them that deserves it. An I put away the bottle cuz Lord knows how it makes me git sideways. An I'm a takin' up my banjer an a gonna sing his praises ever chance I git.
An now all a ya'll that gits my goat, I'm a sorry for my bitterness. Nikki Tatom, I'm a sorry fer thinkin' yer a creepy little kid an bein' bitter cuz you don't link to my blog from yer's. You an me is pals now. An Will Wyman, I'm a sorry that right here in this blog I called you Loser a the Day, cuz yer a winner with Jesus and that says it fer me. An ol' Tom Branch, you is always tryin' to pull my chain but I forgive ya, ol' pal. An I forgive Lorie King fer her part in kidnappin' me even though she won't fess up to it. An you still smell nice Miss King but now I even think yer personality is all right.
An even them Anderson's -- well, Amanda Anderson anyway. No, that's not right, I got to do what the Lord commands -- Joel Anderson, put 'er there, pal. Me and you's gonna bury the hatchet an work for the Kingdom. An last but not least, Gilles, I'm a sorry fer all the mean things I said an fer startin' this blog jest to bedevil you. Now this blog will be used fer the forces of good, an you an me can be friends.
And now that's all but I'll be back later. I got to git out a here. An I love you all, an go an tell someone what the Lord has done fer ya, an then fer good measure say "An he saved ol' Rabby's wicked soul." An that's a "amen." It shore is.