Name Association With William Shakespeare

B-Dog: My guest today on Jive To The Monkey is Shakespeare. We're going to play the Name Association Game. I will say a name, and Mr. Shakespeare will pop off with the first comment that enters his brain. Are you ready, Will?

Will: I am.

B-Dog: But first, I have to ask. You've been dead now for awhile.

Will: Quite.

B-Dog: Heaven or hell?

Will: I'm not supposed to say.

B-Dog: Did the decision to let you through the pearly gates, or not, hinge on whether you really wrote all those plays, or whether you stole them from Christopher Marlowe or --

Will: Marlowe! Twit ....

B-Dog: Oh ... so we've already started the game. Well, how abo-

Will: Have you read Marlowe? Did you see what he did to Dr. Faustus?

B-Dog: Yes, I --

Will: Compared to Goethe's version? Do you suppose that I would have produced something inferior to that German pinhead?

B-Dog. I don't think it's necessarily inferior. And I'm starting to doubt how the person who wrote Hamlet could use words like "pinhead."

Will: A boot to the head! (Shakespeare kicks B-Dog out of his chair.)

B-Dog: Ow!

Will: Knave. Now let's proceed. I have croquet with Fanny Crosby at noon.

B-Dog: So you did make it to hea--

Will: Proceed!

B-Dog: Though I don't see how, what with all the violence and hostility.

Will: Do I get paid for this?

B-Dog: A coupon for a free Christmas ham. Lorie King didn't want hers from when she did the Paris interview.

Will: Now there's a girl with respect for language.

B-Dog: She reaks havoc upon people's self-esteem, always correcting their grammatical lapses.

Will: Someone needs to!

B-Dog: Okay. Well, what comes to your mind when I say "Will Wyman"?

Will: "Seizure later"? Please. Where did he grow up -- Marengo, Indiana?

B-Dog: Actually, yes.

Will: That's very telling.

B-Dog: Brian Laffin.

Will: Very punny. I enjoy a good pun.

B-Dog: Earnest Hemingway.

Will: Chap that blew his head off?

B-Dog: One of them.

Will: He wrote. Such short sentences. Some, mere fragments. Then he died.

B-Dog: Sarah Meador.

Will: I've got my eye on all those Frenchies.

B-Dog: Same here!

Will: If I've proven nothing, it is that the English language is all one needs.

B-Dog: Yes. Britney Spears.

Will: Boot to the head! (B-Dog goes down again. Shakespeare helps him up.)

B-Dog: Stop kicking me!

Will: This is the best blog ever about people kicking each other.

B-Dog: It's not about that! Stop it. Now ... Cheryl Rupp.

Will: Random.

B-Dog: Joel Anderson.

Will: Dangerously close to losing all ties with sanity.

B-Dog: Agreed. Bono.

Will: Irish dog. Has a way with words, though.

B-Dog: Yes. Well, that's all the time we have for now. Thanks for playing my word association game, Mr. Shakespeare. I know you need to be getting back home for your croquet match.

Will: Just kidding about that. I've never met her.

B-Dog: So you aren't necessarily in heaven! Which explains the hostility.

Will: It's not for mortals to know. But I'll be seeing you on the other side.

B-Dog: Huh? What did you mean by that? Am I ... am I ... hey, I'm washed in the blood of the Lamb, pal.

Will: Then you've got nothing to worry about. I'll see you shortly.

B-Dog: Shortly? What? What do you mean? What do you know? (Shakespeare vanishes, back to his place of eternal dwelling) Hey! What did you mean by that? I'm perfectly healthy! Hey! Come back here! Hey!

The End