Let's try a little online workshop
Last year I workshopped a song I'd written online, and got some good responses from several of you, so I think I'll try it again. I'll post the rough draft of something I've written recently, and you can give your thoughts. (I hesitate to do this because I generally revise and edit a lot. Therefore, to post a rough draft of something in public is like getting out of bed in the morning and going on a date without getting ready.)
This is something I wrote last week and have been stuck with. Unlike the one I wrote for an online workshop last year, this is not constructed as a modern piece, but rather is in hymn meter and, as of now, contains only stanzas (what would be called verses in pop construction). I feel it needs something but I'm not sure where to go. Right now it's constructed in an 8-7 meter,like, for instance, "My Redeemer," "Showers Of Blessing," "Jesus Calls Us O'er The Tumult," and "Precious Name (Take The Name Of Jesus With You)." This means odd numbered lines have 8 syllables; evens have 7.
It's three verses. Perhaps they merely repeat the same information -- they're not distinct enough. Or perhaps they're not unified enough. Or perhaps I need to add a refrain (what would be called a "chorus" in popular music). Or maybe ... I don't know. Maybe many of the lines need polishing or I need to do some wholesale reconstructing. See what you think. You can either post comments here or email me (click the email link on my profile):
You will find me working for You
On the day that you return,
Or until death sends me to You
(Though there's nothing I could earn).
You brought love to me -- a rebel.
You built shelter, You forgave.
I will do the same for others
Till You come or till the grave.
Lord, You bathed me in Your mercy
When I stood condemned to death.
Then You lifted with compassion
When I'd fallen, out of breath.
Now You ask me to give comfort
To the hurting I should meet.
It's the very least I could do
For the grace You've given me.
I know You will come descending
On the clouds to beckon me.
Or You'll guide me 'cross death's waters
And You'll calm the raging sea.
Just as You will give me comfort
And lead me to Eden's shore,
I will work to bring Your Kingdom
To the lost, the lame, the poor.
posted by Bobby @ 5:20 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Bobby, I will contribute tomorrow, honest -- I've thought about what to say, but am feeling pretty brain-dead. Sometime before I go watch TIVOed Gray's Anatomy, I will leave an intelligent, articulate response. Or something.
I'm glad your doing something that pertains us as worker. We have very few "contemporary" worship songs that pertains to actually doing something to serve God other than praising, singing, praying or studying his word. Believe me I am not making light of these non-negotiables. But after all these are sang and done, what else is left but to imitate Christ's servant/leader heartset. I can only thing of two "Contemporary" worship songs that encourage physical exertion in following Christ: Hands & Feet and the one from Cast & Crowns: If we are the body? If there is anyone out there that knows of anymore I'd like to know. This should be a topic our song writing group should consider.
Post a Comment
<< Home