It's official: I'm striking and dangerous

Your Eyes Should Be Green

Your eyes reflect: Striking attractiveness and danger What's hidden behind your eyes: A vivid inner world

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Personality Profile

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Straight Talk

"Paul said, 'I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and him crucified.' Nowadays it's 'Jesus Christ and what he can do for you!' You cannot have more exact opposites than the Bible's Christ-centered gospel and our modern, cross-less self-centered 'gospel.' ...

"Unless people are truly convicted of sin ... then it is virtually impossible to show them a need for a savior. Why, what would they need to be saved from? Fun? Today the Lord is presented as a sort of 'ice-cream man Santa Claus,' and the church is the candy store where you can get every goodie your heart desires ...

"First and foremost, today's 'gospel' appeals to the selfish. If people come to Jesus mainly to get a blessing or only to get forgiveness, they will ultimately be disappointed. But if they come to give him their lives in honor and worship, then they will truly have forgiveness and joy -- more than they could ever imagine!"

-- Keith Green
"No Compromise: The Life Story of Keith Green,"
by Melody Green and David Hazard

Jive Monkey Gold: What Southern Women Know About Flirting

From April, 2005: What Southern Women Know About Flirting

Author Ronda Rich will be signing copies of her new book, "What Southern Women Know About Flirting" today at Barnes & Noble (the Summit one) at 7 pm.
The Courier did a piece on her a couple days ago, and listed a sample list of her "Flirting Girl Don'ts." Is it silly? Harmful? Enlightening? Necessary?
Let's begin by defining flirting, because it does have several definitions and connotations. I would say, contextually from the article, Ms. Rich is talking about an activity done to win a man -- someone you are interested in. So we'll look at the tips with that in mind.
Here is my Jive To The Monkey analysis of each tip:.

1. Never relinquish your power. As Dr. Tom said in the comment section of this point, the usefullness of this tip depends on what Ms. Rich means by this statement. Keep in mind that my own opinions are that the best way to forge a lasting relationship is to slowly build something up from the cornerstone of friendship. Still waters run deep. (Now, I would agree that there comes a point in a friendship when you have been friends so long, and have done so much as friends, that it becomes a brother/ sister thing. I have some good old gal friends (not that they're old, just that we've been friends awhile) that ... well, let's just say even though they're perfectly attractive, it would be gross to date them. Like, if we got married our babies would have two heads or something.) But for the most part, I still say that you should be friends first. And if you are truly friends, you're not going to have a big power struggle anyway.
But as far as this advice goes -- certainly don't put yourself in a situation where you feel powerless.

2. Never wear a white bra with black panties (or white shoes after Labor Day).

Okay girls ... if your definition of flirting has anything to do with him seeing what color your undergarments are, then you may have a bigger problem than you think. Geez. As to the shoes -- men could care less. I mean, I am definitely Metro, but as I think back to the conversations I've had with women this week, whether at church, work, or outside, I can't picture anyone's shoes.
Besides, fashionistas generally say the Labor Day rule is not hard and fast anymore. Now, perhaps the guys sister(s) or gal pals will notice, but still. I have a couple "sisters" who definitely feel free (even when I don't ask!) to give me their opinion of single girls that they think would be good (or not good) for me. Now, if they said something like "We think she's snobby," then I would examine that. But if they said, "She wears white shoes after Labor Day," I would laugh them out of the building.

3. Don't forget to ask about his mama. Then ask for an introduction.
It never hurts to inquire about good ol' mom, ladies. But watch out for mama's boys!

4. Never aggresively pursue him; always do it subtly.Yes. Actually, the question should be "should I pursue him subtly or should I not pursue at all." Aggressive pursuit looks, to a guy, like Fatal Attraction. We don't want to be stalked.
Now, I know a lot of perfectly fine girls who say, "I wouldn't pursue a guy subtly either. I want to be wooed. He should come to me."
That sounds great and all, but think it through. You could pass up a great guy and end up with a jerk. In fact, I'd say there's pretty good odds of that happening. Men who live for the chase will always live for the chase, even after they've caught you. They'll just chase another rabbit. Now, that doesn't always mean he'll chase another woman. Maybe he'll chase riches, maybe he'll chase fame, maybe he'll chase rare collectibles -- but he will always chase, and he'll be bored with things or people whom he has caught.
So what does it mean to pursue "subtly." Follow the guys lead, just like dancing. Say there is a guy you're interested in. Should you treat him differently than other guys? Not if he doesn't treat you differently than other girls. Nothing subtle about that. But if he DOES treat you differently, through communication, time, proximity, whatever ... then match him. Don't think you're taking a moral highroad if you play hard to get and make him do everything. Men pursue and women leave clues. If you don't do that, then you're going to be back to discouraging all men except those who are more interested in the chase than the object of the chase. Which you will be sorry for 1000 times over someday.

5. Don't be caught low on thank-you notes, lip gloss or perfume.Let's take this out of the King James and put it into New International: Don't forget to be polite, and try not to smell funny.

6. Don't talk about old boyfriends.Yes and no to this one. Like I said, I think it's better to be friends first. Friends talk. Friends communicate. Friends are interested in each other's lives and the things that have happened to make them who they are today. Therefore, if you've been talking and hanging out as friends, and you're starting to feel like you could have something ... well, if you haven't talked about old boyfriends, then you're not really friends, are you?
Now, no decent guy is gonna want an exclusive relationship with you if you're still carrying a torch for someone else. If you haven't dealt with your emotional baggage, then keep things at the friendship level.
I think this rule can be expanded though. No guy wants to feel like he is second fiddle. Nor do decent guys want to feel like they're in a competition. If you kiss too many frogs, no prince will come near you. Other frogs won't mind though. So don't be fooled into thinking that a guy doesn't want you bad enough if he won't compete for you. The truth is, he doesn't want to get warts.

7. Don't take discourtesy, inconsideration, or abuse.
Duh. I'd go beyond that and say that you should only be with a guy who is going to make you feel like the queen of his world, every day. Why would you settle for less? Doesn't matter what else he has going for him.
About discourtesy: do you realize how few women will even give men the opportunity to do basic mannerly things? And yet often these same women decry the lack of chivalric manners in society. For instance: men should generally open doors for women. I don't care if it's your girlfriend, your mom, your boss ... that's just something that should be done.
Now, perhaps you think this is no big deal, and that you don't even notice or care if a man holds the door open for you. But what you're signaling, to that man and to ALL men who see the incident, is that you, as a representative of Woman in general, do not care to be treated, or want to be treated, as a lady. It's a trickle effect. If men in general do not think that women in general want them to open doors, then they're gonna assume women don't want them to behave in all manner of other gentlemanly ways.

8. Never mind the negatives; focus on the positives.I don't know what she means by this. I suppose it's true if what she means is "Don't nitpick a great guy to death if you are really gelling with him, just because you're, I don't know ... scared of being attached."? I can see how that could happen.
But I can't give wholehearted support to this rule, being as it could be taken many ways. Some negatives are important. Don't overlook manners, spirituality, goals, morals, or even things like "where are we gonna worship together if we become a couple" or, as you head into marriage, "does one of us insist on living in a suburb, downtown, etc."
This also goes into being real (which is the biggest lesson to remember). Let's say, for instance, that you like a Star Wars geek (sorry SW geeks -- I mean "guys." I'm just kidding. May the force be with you, and your little R2 units). So you pretend to be way into Star Wars to impress him. Or because you think "maybe he'll fall for a girl who loves Star Wars as much as he does, so I'd better pretend to be that girl." Dumb, dumb, dumb. How long do you think you can keep that up? You're gonna be sitting through movies, thumbing through Star Wars books, going to those conventions dressed up as Princess Lei or a Wookie (depending on whether you're wee or Amazonian ....) Sooner or later you're gonna have to say, "Dude, I really can't take all this Star Wars all the time."
And then he's gonna be mad. He's not gonna understand. Because, to him, you've CHANGED. You're not the girl he fell for.
And the same goes for any hobby, past-time, methodology, political view .... Even, say, if you initially only spend time alone. Sooner or later, if things go well and you marry, you're gonna be one of those girls who says, "we never do anything with anyone. We never hang out with friends." Well, you didn't do it at the start of the relationship. Getting off on the right foot is so important. How things are at the start is the determining point, to a large extent, of how they will be.
If, in a related example, you only hang around HIS friends, do not expect that later on he'll be agreeable to hanging around yours. You established the pattern early on.

Now, I do think there is a place for saying, to go back to Star Wars, "I'm not really a big sci-fi fan, but sure, I'll go with you to the movie." Let him know right off that you want to get together, maybe get a bite to eat first, and that you're willing to do something with him that he thinks is important, just because you're not a diva who needs to be in control or only wants to do her own things all the time.
Nothing wrong with being agreeable! Just tell the truth and make him understand what you're doing, and that this doesn't mean you're gonna watch Star Wars movies all the time or camp outside Skywalker Ranch on your vacation or name your firstborn son "Anakin."

9. Don't be catty -- personally, professionally or socially. Instead, be kitten sweet.Well, yes, you want to stay away from cheap cattiness. But kitten sweet? Hmmm. I guess it depends on the guy. We all have different tastes. Personally, I like someone a little more fiesty. A girl who is a perpetual kitten gets boring after awhile.

So there you have it. And again, the number one thing is to be real. But being real doesn't mean being totally clueless about how to be attractive, nor does it mean you can't be somewhat purposeful. Don't just be blown about by the wind, or you could end up alone, or worse, with whatever litter the wind kicks up.

Oh What Shall I Do?

Lost is over for the summer. Survivor is over. American Idol is over. Alias is over for good.

I might finally be able to get some serious writing done....

It's All Over Now, Baby Blue

Monkey Maniacs: today, Wednesday, May 24, Mr. Bob Dylan turns 65. Reflect accordingly. Maybe dig out your old "Blood On The Tracks" or "Blonde On Blonde" or something and give it a spin.

News Conference, 1965:

Interviewer: Do you prefer songs with messages, like "Eve of Destruction?"

Dylan: Do I prefer that to what?

Interviewer: I don't know, but your songs are supposed to have a subtle message.

Dylan: Subtle message?

Interviewer: Well, they're supposed to.

Dylan: Where'd you hear that?

Interviewer: In a movie magazine.

And then Dylan took the Lord's name in vain. But of course no one is perfect.

Lorie and Barry

My buddy Lorie suggested on her blog that she has helped Barry Manilow with his songs. I would suggest to you the following evidence that this could not be true, based on my experience working with her on music. You see, I happen to know that Barry would not have churned out the songs he did -- in fact,would simply have not been allowed to churn out the songs that he did, if Lorie were bullying him behind the scenes. And as proof, we'll look at his hit "Can't Smile Without You," and then I will provide simulated Lorie King responses to said song:

You know I Can't Smile Without You,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I can't laugh
and I can't sing,
I'm findin' it hard to do anything.
You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If You only knew what I'm going through,
I just Can't Smile Without You.

You came along just like a song
and brightened my day,
Who'd've believed that you were part of a dream
Now it all seems light years away.
And now you know I Can't Smile Without You,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I can't laugh and I can't sing,
I'm finding it hard to do anything.
You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If you only knew what I'm going through,
I just can't smile.

Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find.
Well I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me.
And you see,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I can't laugh
and I can't sing,
I'm findin' it hard to do anything.
You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If You only knew what I'm going through,
I just Can't Smile Without You

Dear Barry:

Boy, am I glad the publisher suggested you work with me, because you need it. I certainly have my work cut out for me though. Let's get started. First, I am troubled by the theological implications of your song. You can't even smile without Boopsie Anne or whatever her name is? This girl has become an idol in your life. All you need is Christ, Barry. When you perpetuate this kind of heresy, you confuse the masses of people into thinking that their ultimate fulfillment and happiness will be found in any old lover who lights their fire. For shame, Barry, for shame.

In your fifth line you write the word "findin'." Why? I daresay you think it's a cute colloquialism, but it's not. It's irresponsible is what it is. Did you not go to school? "Finding," Barry. With a "g" on the end. I don't care how you grew up saying it -- I'm a Carolina girl myself. But it's spelled "f-i-n-d-i-n-g.

"You came along just like a song and brightened my day." How? What does that really mean? What are you actually saying? Nothing much, I'd bet. I need more. I need maybe another verse that explains this relationship. If I'm going to believe that you can't even smile without this woman, I need to know why she's so special.

"Who'd've"? Did you really write this? You are KILLING me.

"Well I'm finding it hard ..." Now there you go. You typed "finding." But then when you go back to the chorus it's "findin'" again. It's ridiculous. No, really.

Other than that it's okay. And even though my friend Bobby, with his superior intellect that I could never hope to match, would say that this song is nowhere near the level of even a filler Dylan cut, I appreciate it because you can sing and Dylan can't. But we have our work cut out for us, my friend. I simply will not stand by and watch while you make a mockery of the English language, even though of course if you slay English where it stands and ruin it forever for me, I can always retreat into Spanish, Portuguese, or one of the other 47 languages that I speak fluently.

Best regards,

Lorie

Doodlings

Here is one stanza set in common metered hymn verse (8-6-8-6). I got inspired to write it in church today. Don't know if I'll ever finish it, revise it, or set it to music. But since I can't think of anything else to update my blog with:

Let all who take the name of Christ
Depart from sin and shame.
Can lips so quick to criticize
Then praise the Holy Name?
Can hands that grasp another's love
Lift high in joyful prayer?
Can hearts that beat for luxuries
Avoid the tempter's snare?

Well, I'm On The Right Track Apparently ....

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Jive Monkey Gold: Puttin' On The Dog

Lose yourself in the dandy imagery of this poem:

From LISEL MUELLER's Alive together: New and selected poems,
Louisiana State University Press, 1996

WHAT THE DOG PERHAPS HEARS

If an inaudible whistle
blown between our lips
can send him home to us,
then silence is perhaps
the sound of spiders breathing
and roots mining the earth;
it may be asparagus heaving,
headfirst, into the light
and the long brown sound
of cracked cups, when it happens.
We would like to ask the dog
if there is a continuous whir
because the child in the house
keeps growing, if the snake
really stretches full length
without a click and the sun
breaks through clouds without
a decibel of effort,
whether in autumn, when the trees
dry up their wells, there isn't a shudder
too high for us to hear.
What is it like up there
above the shut-off level
of our simple ears?
For us there was no birth cry,
the newborn bird is suddenly here,
the egg broken, the nest alive,
and we heard nothing when the world changed.

Poll: Who Is The Toughest Of Them All?

Who Is The Toughest Of Them All?
	Stone Cold Steve Austin
	The Tasmanian Devil
	Jo, from The Facts Of Life
	The Batman
	Xena, Warrior Princess
	Rush Limbaugh
	Rowdy Roddy Piper
	Mike Tyson
	Ana Lucia before she got shot on Lost
	Elvis Costello
Free polls from Pollhost.com

New Hymn Text Based On Writing Assignment

So this month in the Sojourn Worship Songwriting Workshop we gave each other an optional assignment -- to each write a song in the next month about offering our bodies as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1). Last night I did mine, though it is just a hymn text and in fact may remain so. I think it's a good poem, and I have no ideas for melody, so I'll probably just leave it as poetry. But anyway, it's in long meter (each line is iambic tetrameter: four stresses/eight syllables) such as hymns like, "On Christ The Solid Rock I Stand," "And Can It Be," "Sweet Hour Of Prayer," "A Debtor To Mercy Alone," "Just As I Am," and "I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day." I immersed myself in Romans 11:33-12:3 to come up with what I hope is a comprehensive view of the reasons for, and implications of, offering ourselves as living sacrifices. As always, this is a completely rough, first draft, so any critiques would be appreciated:

The mercy you have granted me
Is greater than could be repaid.
You're bigger far than space or time
So who am I that You should save?
In thanks, a living sacrifice --
My heart could burst with gratitude.
I pledge my body, all my life;
It is the most that I could do.

It is the most that I could do.
No longer is my body mine.
Grant me the strength to stray from sin
And stay close to your bleeding side.
Conformed no more to this dark world,
To things that fade and pass away,
Transformed, renewed in my own mind,
Alive to serve you day by day.

Alive to serve you day by day,
An act of worship to my Lord.
Though Satan tempts me even now
To feel I'm earning my reward.
God grant that I should never boast
That I have given you my life,
I live by mercy, breathe in grace.
It is a humble sacrifice.

It is a humble sacrifice.
If only I could offer more!
But I'm the creature; You're my God --
You don't need what I can't afford.
And neither do you need my praise;
There's fellowship in You, complete.
But you accept my sacrifice
Through Your own mercy, rich and sweet.

But see, my LAST post displayed some original writing ...

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Here's a new hymn text I wrote Wednesday night. I added a chorus and reworked the verses last night. Still probably will go through a few more drafts. The melody right now has an up-tempo Caedmonesque feel to it. The verses are 11-11-11-11- meter, same as such hymns as "My Jesus, I Love Thee," "I'd Rather Have Jesus," "Away In A Manger," "How Firm A Foundation," and "Thy Mercy, My God" (so basically, for your own purposes at home, you could use the melody to any of those songs and it would fit with these new verses. My chorus, however,is unmetered):

We have a high priest and He sits on His throne,
And we can approach Him through His grace alone.
Unmerited favor -- grace cannot be won.
But it flows so free through the blood of the Son.


Pardon! Forgiveness! Sacrificial
love:
That’s grace, and it’s always enough.


Not with our own minds or the work of our hands
Can we close the distance between God and man.
We're filthy with pride; He is perfect and pure.
His grace reaches down, pulls us to heaven’s shore.


repeat chorus


Lord, we have dishonored the wine and the bread --
Your body so battered, the blood that you shed.
We've partaken lightly, left so cavalier,
Lord, by Your same grace, may You teach Godly fear.


repeat chorus


Now thankful for grace, for salvation so sweet,
We take to the world and the nearest dark street.
Invoking the Light and proclaiming the Way,
Transformed by God's love and in love with God's grace.


repeat chorus

I Promise I'll Write A Real Post Again Soon

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you. Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show. People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate. But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

What Color Green Are You?

Yet Another Quiz: What's Your Theme Song?"

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel like It's a beautiful day Don't let it get away" You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments. And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

What's Your Theme Song?

Reality Check

These lyrics by Keith Green strike me hard:

My eyes are dry, my faith is old,
My heart is hard, my prayers are cold.
And I know how I ought to be --
Alive to you and dead to me.

Oh, what can be done with a heart like mine?
Soften it up with oil and wine.

Anthony Burger Tribute DVD/CD

Here's a press release from the fine folks at Gaither world. You will recall I wrote a tribute column to the great gospel pianist Anthony Burger a few months back, on his untimely passing:

The Best of Anthony Burger Tops Billboard's Music Video Charts
Nashville, TN (5-5-06) -- The last project completed by pianist Anthony Burger, The Best of Anthony Burger, released on both DVD and CD by Gaither Music Group, topped the Billboard Music Video chart this week, with sales in excess of 13,000 units. The CD of the same title also topped the Southern Gospel chart, held the #3 position on the Contemporary Christian Top 100 chart and was at #65 on the Top 200 chart, with sales of 13,756 units.

The Best of Anthony Burger, hosted by gospel legend Bill Gaither, is a compilation of Burger's most outstanding performances from a decade of Gaither Homecoming videos and television specials, as well as behind-the-scene interviews concerning his career, family and faith. Burger tragically passed away February 22 while performing on a Gaither Homecoming cruise in the Caribbean. The video had already been completed at the time of Burger's untimely death and became a celebration of his life and music.

"Last summer when we captured this wonderful interview footage with Anthony to accompany a compilation of his most memorable performances from the video series, we had no idea that this project's April release would memorialize his life," offered Bill Gaither. "What we planned and what God planned were two different things. The result is a project I hope will serve as a tremendous instrument of healing as we remember the music of Anthony's life and the impact he had on so many of us."

What is your hidden talent?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others. You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around. The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it. Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Capacity For Love/ Your Love Style

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high. You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person. And in return, you expect the same from who you love. Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is medium. You tend to be the one with more power. You aren't a total control freak in relationships.. But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium. You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love... But you've definitely been burned enough to know better. You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is high. You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love. Having your own life is very important for you... Even more important than having a relationship.

The Five Variable Love Test

What Kind Of Rocker Are You?

You Are an Indie Rocker!

You are in it for the love of the music... And you couldn't care less about being signed by a big label. You're all about loving and supporting music - not commercial success. You may not have the fame and glory, but you have complete control of your career.

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

Random things about me:

. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. What does it say? ..."Like the guy last September. He heard Keith at the Bla and"

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch? Office window

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Survivor

4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 1 pm

5. Now look at the clock. What time is it actually? 1:11 pm

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Maroon Five

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? 8 am, coming to work.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? my buddy's email to me.

9. What are you wearing? Black pants, striped button-down shirt.

10. Did you dream last night? I don't think so. I had a weird dream about a former coworker a few nights ago ....

11. When did you last laugh? Saturday.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Work-related things and mementos.

13. Seen anything weird lately? Not that I can think of.

14. What do you think of this quiz? I'm getting bored. But I haven't been in a good mood today anyway, so ....

15. What is the last film you saw? Mission Impossible 3

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? A mid-sized, older house in downtown Jeff.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know? I used to go repelling.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? I think I'll just let God stay in control so I don't mess stuff up.

19. Do you like to dance? More so as the weeks go by.

20. George Bush: Not as bad as his detractors claim or as good as his supporters claim.


21. What do you think God will say to you when you reach the pearly gates? My goal is that He'll say, "Enter in, good and faithful servant."

22. What do you think you deserve? respect

Lock It In The Vault!

The past two blog columns have looked at the creative writing process from the standpoint of worship songwriting and creative nonfiction. Although every kind of writing has it's own uniqueness and set of "rules," good writing is good writing, and many tricks of the trade apply to any form. Today we get what will perhaps be the most helpful advice yet for ALL writers, and it comes from a playwright.

Jeffrey Hatcher, a great playwright himself, wrote a book called "The Art & Craft Of Playwriting." I highly recommend it for anyone who'd like to write for the stage. In the appendix, he interviewed three outstanding contemporary playwrights, the first of which was Lee Blessing, author of such great works as "A Walk In The Woods," "Fortinbras," and "Cobb." Here, Blessing talks about the one thing a writer can do to help his thoughts actually make it onto the page:

Hatcher: Now you're working on something new, but you don't want to talk about it because ...

Blessing: Because it would be bad for me to talk about it.

Hatcher: Why do you think it's bad?

Blessing: It tends to diminish one's energy for actually writing the piece. Every writer wants to get out of writing to begin with. That goes without saying. When you're a writer your highest priority is how to keep from writing. And so you have to guard against too many things that make it too easy not to write. One of the things that I think makes it easy not to write is to be able to go down to the coffeehouse and sit with your friends and tell them all about this great new idea you have. Once you've expressed it, you sort of have the entire pleasure of getting the feedback from the original conception, and it's very hard to bank up sufficient energy then to go to all the trouble of writing it. Writing takes a long time. It's slow going, and you need to keep the carrot out in front of you a little bit. I want to keep that carrot.

So there you have it. Got an idea for a song, a book, a short film? Don't get on your blog, or go down to Sunergos Coffee or whatever the local hangout is, and tell your buddies about it. I used to do this all the time. An idea, to a writer, is like an itch. When you tell people about it, you're scratching that itch. Not good. Let it itch. Let it itch so bad that you have to get some relief, and then get that relief in the productive way -- by WRITING!

Of course if you're collaborating with someone, that's different. The only other exception I make is that sometimes I'll share the germ of an idea with my editor friend if the idea is fuzzy in my mind. That way I can get some help fine-tuning my thoughts, focusing on the direction my idea should take. Other than that, as Elaine from Seinfeld would say, I "lock it in the vault" and don't mention it to anyone until I at least have a rough draft on paper.

Go and do the same.

The Writing Process

"Like most writers, I don't like to write; I like to have written."

-- William Zinsser, "On Writing Well"

True, isn't it? A writer will do anything to get out of writing -- another trip to the coffee shop, an episode of The Jeffersons on cable, a phone call, or even an extended discussion about the idea the writer has for his story, song, novel, play, or what have you. But actually sitting down, turning the cell off, and writing ... man, that can be scary. Here are some nuggets to help, courtesy of Thomas H. Uzzell's article "How To Get Story Ideas:"

With the young student, the chief impulse to write comes from his love of reading. The great works of literary art stir him profoundly, arouse in him burning desires of emulation and launch him forth without his quite knowing it, on a deliberate, rash enterprise of writing equally well and that rather soon, too ...

The trouble with it is, however, that a young writer's first scribblings in comparison with these majestic performances just about floor him; the contrast is too great. His own ideas -- how utterly trite, banal, childish ...

The young writer seldom remembers that these masterpieces which he adores are never typical of the work of their performers. They are the careful selection from the output of an entire lifetime ... Give yourself time ... The first output is nothing; the habit everything.
***

If you find yourself ready to "get" story ideas and absolutely unable to write a single word, do not be shocked or panic-stricken. Your trouble is not that you do not have ideas, but that you do not have the habit of setting them down. The very first thing is to cure yourself of "typewriter panic." Write anything. Begin by cultivating a habit of writing, of setting words on paper; the quality of the copy is sure to improve as you persist. At first write for quantity only.

Finding Your Voice As A Worship Songwriter

No matter what form of creative writing you do, you'll hear teachers and artists talk about the importance of finding one's "voice." What does that mean?

Think of it as discovering what makes you uniquely you. What do you have to say that's different than what everyone else is saying, or how is your presentation different than the presentation of others?

Most writers start out mimicking those they admire, just as painters have traditionally developed their craft by copying the masters. This is a time-proven technique. But there comes a time when a good writer begins to fuse his influences together -- not only the styles of different writers he admires, but all the influences of his life -- to create something unique, something with his "stamp" on it, so that those who know or admire him can say, "that's definitely him."

This isn't to say that you ever reach a point where your writing stops evolving and growing. You continue to take in influences and you continue to go through life experiences that cause further development. I use Dylan a lot for an example because he has been writing for so long that you can clearly see his development, and the many phases he's gone through, both in terms of melody and lyrics. Some of his lyrics are obvious, some are obtuse. Some of his songs are very country-ish; some are straight up, hard-core blues. Some of his songs are what we think of when we use terms like "Dylanesque," but some are not, though they were written by the man himself. But yet there are unique threads that run through all his work, coming together as part of what we would call his "voice." You can find, for instance, a blues lyric structure in many of his songs that sound nothing like blues music. And the Biblical allusions are heavy, whether or not we're listening to one of his gospel songs.

There are many elements that make up my "voice" when it comes to worship songs. For instance, I often write in hymn meter. I have a background in poetry and a love for metered poems like, for example, the Elizabethan sonnet form made famous by Shakespeare. Having learned to write metered poetry long ago, it wasn't hard at all to begin dabbling in the various hymn meters. I don't always write with an established meter, but I do so more and more. This sets me apart from most songwriters today, even worship songwriters, many of whom are much more familiar with modern praise choruses than the metered hymns of ages past. I don't write in meter out of a desire to be different -- it just works out that way, again, because of my background in metered poetry. I'm merely playing to my strengths. As the saying goes, "Dance with who brung ya."

I am a storyteller, no matter if I'm writing songs, short stories, poems -- I love to "tell the story." This is very much in the folk balladeering tradition, and I am certainly a folky, whether I'm writing music that would be considered folk, rock, or bluegrass. Many of my worship songs, including the ones that people seem to prefer, tell the gospel story either directly or indirectly, referencing in chronological order the coming of Messiah, death, resurrection, ascension and second coming.

The second coming -- that's an important element of my "voice." We don't often sing about it. When we do, it's usually 19th-to-mid 20th century gospel standards of the simple, "I'm on my way to heaven" mindset (and I do love many of those songs). There's no real story arc to many of them -- no connecting to the larger story of God and man. It's more of a personal, "this life has been rough but Jesus is coming back to rescue me and set my feet on streets of gold," kind of thing. What I try to do is to present it in the full context of church history and present it as the inevitable triumph of God over Satan, the wounded dragon whose defeat was assured at Calvary. Here are examples from final verses of three of my hymns -- songs that had, in earlier verses, told the back-story in one fashion or another:

1. Still rising tide, still flowing free,
Bursting the dam the devil raised.
The final outcome's not in doubt:
Christ the champion be praised.
King of all Kings, Lord of Lords --
He will annihilate all sin.
Even death will live no longer;
Christ is beginning and the end.

2. Surer than each morning's sunrise
Is Messiah's glad return.
Vainly will His foes assemble;
Vainly will the devil run.
Jesus and the saints of heaven
crush the forces of decay.
Then, an everlasting kingdom --
Perfect love and endless day.

3. No harm can come against Your child
But that which You've allowed.
You will restore, renew all things
And come back on the clouds.
No one will stop You in that hour --
Not all the powers of hell.
I trust Your goodness and Your will,
For You do all things well.

I am also a very Trinitarian writer. Now of course all orthodox worship songwriters are trinitarians, but what I mean is, even though I've only written one song specifically about the trinity, there are many allusions to it in my work. Much of this is because my understanding and acceptance of this crucial doctrine came within the last several years, having been brought up in a church that taught an anti-trinitarian variant of Pentecostal Oneness theology. Specifically, my belief in Jesus as clearly, truly, completely God the Son, distinct (though not separate) from God the Father and God the Holy Spirit, comes through in my writing, even when I don't sit down and think, "I should write something about Christ being God, having existed before the virgin birth, having an active role in creation, etc.

I also love to write about paradoxes. Here is an example from a chorus of one of my unmetered songs:

1. How can I be a saint when I know what a sinner I am?
How can you be a fearless lion, and a gentle lamb?
You demand justice, and forgive;
And to live I have to die.
And who am I
That you would bleed for me?
I’m lost and found in your sweet mysteries.

And I write often of racial reconciliation. Here's a long-metered hymn stanza:

Oh Cross that spans the difference
Between the many shades of skin;
Between the hate and ignorance
And prejudice we hold within.
Beneath the Cross the races stand,
Speechless as the blood flows down.
They bow their heads, unclench their fists
And reconcile on common ground.


These are just a few of the things that make up my voice -- the common threads that run through my writing. Of course it doesn't make me better than everyone, or anyone for that matter. But discovering my own voice has been a crucial role in my development, and it has made me a better writer. What is your voice? Think big picture: what is your musical style? What are the themes you're passionate about? What lyric structures are you drawn to? Do you love hymns? Do you prefer to set scripture, such as the psalms and the prophets, to music? Do you see yourself as someone who sings simple love songs to God, or do you prefer to also teach and edify the body of Christ?

It takes all kinds -- everyone has a role, everyone has a story, everyone has a knack for doing things in a certain way. Find your way.

Jive Monkey Gold: Enter The Nightrider

Enter The Nightrider

There is a group of superheroes, ladies and gentlemen, living in the very environs of Kentuckiana. They call themselves The Nightriders.
I am one of them.
I cannot reveal the names of the others but some of you have seen them. Some of them have been to this blog, although Nightriders are generally not internet-savvy (one is downright ignorant, but we still love her).
What does it mean to be a Nightrider? A Nightrider is, first and foremost, someone who grew up, came of age, or was born in, the 1980s. They take their name from the 80s TV show "Knightrider," featuring David Hasselhoff and the talking car "Kit." (I realize the show was spelled "Knightrider" but we call ourselves "Nightriders." It is a conundrum.)
A Nightrider is strong, brave, and true. Like the Knights of the Round Table, the Three Muskateers, or the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew.
Nightriders stick together. They watch films and play board games -- and eat. Oh yes, they LOVE to eat. When they are not doing these things, they are standing up against evil wherever it is found, and they are stamping it out with their superhero powers. The only weakness they have is a fondness for placing each other on probation, usually when one of them leads the others to watch a movie that turns out to be boring, or talks all of them into driving 50 freaking miles out into the sticks of Kentucky to visit "the scariest Halloween haunted house in America", only to have it turn out to be like some cheesy carny haunted house.
We have a theme song, written by yours truly. I will give you the lyrics now. Just remember: wherever there is evil, wherever there is mayhem, wherever there is a good buffet -- have no fear: WE will be there!

In troublesome times, the world needs a group of heroes.
Super-cool heroes to turn back the tide of evil.
Who is this now, riding through the storm, come to save us?
It's the Nightriders.
It's the Nightriders.

Forged in experiences of the 1980s,
this group of men and ladies, they know how to party.
They know how to paint and dance and write and fight for justice,
They're the Nightriders.
They're the Nightriders.

So if you're down and you need someone to call,
Don't look for Batman or the webslinger crawling on the wall.
Just say "Hey Nightriders, please come and save me!"
Then you'll feel the power of the 1980's.

No matter if Jeff, Louisville, Clarksville, or New Albany,
No thief is safe unless the Nightriders are busy watching TV.
Still, they make you laugh.
You know you want their autographs.
They're the Nightriders.
They're the Nightriders!